The END

2 years ago, I left a miserable relationship.  I'm glad we are done.  I'm still very very angry about it, though.  I guess what makes me angry is the fact that I stayed in such a miserable situation for 7 fucking years!!  For a year of that relationship, I moved to California and then Oregon and lived for a year.  I left them behind in MY house.  

I left because they didn't care.  Our life was one of their constantly unhappy or wooden mood. Constant need to keep everything a certain way.  Obsession with whatever political issue or hobby.  Me?  I got what was left over and what was left over was often not in a good place.

I believed in sacrifice.  I thought I was doing good for someone, being there for them and their issues.  I would get my support from friends.  But i was unhappy and I always talked to my friends about how unhappy I was with my relationship.  I felt that if I could talk about my feelings with then I could come home and I could give my all and be enough.  

Sometimes, you're not enough and it's time to go.  So I left and I though that maybe they would change. I thought that if I allowed them to date other people, maybe they'd learn to be better to me.

Instead I came home to someone completely in denial of their feelings toward me and the other person. I came home to someone who drank more, was hungover more, and still all of the other shit on top of that.  I was done and it was done and we were done.  To many drunken angry nights.  

Someone said my first love broke my heart.  I guess that's true.  It happened a second time and i didn't really care to much.  I did as much as I could to get over them and I did.  But we were not together for that long.

7 years is a lot of shit to undo

I also didn't have someone on the side that I could get with (rebound) after.  

I am not a victim, no

I don't know, I guess I'm just hurt, angry, and disgusted

I remember you admitting that you treated me terribly

I don't know what making amends would be

I just want to stop being in pain

#broken #relationships #anniversary #longterm #anger #sadness #brokenhearts #movingon